The anti-hero, hero with maximum effort, Deadpool comes on the big screen.   An overly sarcastic punk masked man with red tights, tells us his love story which turns into a horror story smack in the middle of the story.

You see Wade never wanted to be a hero, so he became a for-hire assassin, and he was happy with that.

 Things were on the up and up when Wade met the female version of him in a stripper named Vanessa and it was almost a happily ever after, with a montage filled with funny yet raunchy sex scenes, but the ark was missing.  To break the happiness of the montage, Wade finds out that he has stage four cancer; meaning he is going to die soon.  Although Vanessa is not willing to leave him and she’s more than ready to stay with him through it all, Wade wants to leave because he does not want her to join him on the shittiest ride ever; the cancer ride.

As his cancer starts to show, some creepy guy finds Wade in his hang out spot and offers him an opportunity to cure him.  Wade tells the creepy guy to fuck off and leaves him at the table to pay for his drink.  As his symptoms get worst, Wade has a change of heart and calls the number that creepy guy gave him.

Wade enters a makeshift hospital and finds that the experiment is just a dosage of gene therapy to make someone mutate and a shit ton of torture to stress the body to the point of mutation.  As it turns out, some people make it, and some people don’t.  Sometimes a person will die before reaching the desired stress level.  Also, the type of mutation cannot be predicted.

Wade is a tough nut to crack and after several attempts he has yet to mutate.  So, he’s left in an oxygen-deprived tank over a weekend and finally, while gasping for air he mutates.  His skin turns into a burnt wrinkled mess, and his mutation is complete.  Wade is pissed that he looks like a monster, and also that having survived he’s essentially a slave to the people behind the experiments.  To break away, he sets the place on fire hoping to kill himself and those in the makeshift hospital.  Unfortunately, having mutated, Wade doesn’t die. Instead, he becomes immortal.

With the help of his friend at the bar, he names himself Deadpool, because every superhero needs a cool name and it was the name of the board that showed the names of the assassins that people were betting on to die.  Shortly after, Deadpool makes his costume; a tight red suit, and mask and embraces his new life while searching for Francis; the guy who disfigured him into the burnt mess.  Part of the changes Deadpool makes are his living arrangements.  He moves in with a blind black lady named Al, who misses cocaine and has an apt for putting Ikea furniture together and they become the best of roommates.

After finding Francis, Deadpool almost has him but his X-Men compadres, get in the way of the finish, and he escapes.  So off to plan B, go back home and masturbate.

But Francis, is now on the offensive. Having found out that Wade did not die in the fire, he goes looking for Vanessa to have the upper hand.

You know how this ends.  Wade finds the girl, and then they have amazing sex. About the monsterish face, Vanessa doesn’t care much.  She figures after a few drinks and some time, she’ll look at it as just another face for her to sit on.  Isn’t love grand?!


Kung Fu Panda 3

Kung Fu Panda 3

“I don’t want to turn you into me; I want to turn you into you.” said Master Shifu to Po.

This message was the central theme of this well put together and written story.  Who was Po?  Was he the son of a panda? The son of a goose?  A student? A teacher?

Po had little time to waste because Kai was on his trail and Po needed to figure out how to master his Chi to defeat Kai, but before he could do this, he needed to find himself.

To find out who he was, Po needed to start from the beginning.  So off he went with his biological father, Li to a hidden Panda Village to learn about his roots.  Unbeknownst to Po, his adoptive father, Mr. Ping hid in his sack and ended up being part of the adventure as well.

The training begins with Po learning how to be a Panda.  He starts by sleeping in, rolling down hills and even eating with his hands and not using any chopsticks.  However, lessons on mastering his Chi don’t materialize and soon Po learns that his biological dad never meant to teach him.  Instead, he was trying to keep him away from danger and save him.

But, Danger is Po’s middle name, and he is mad that his dad took him away when the Valley needed him the most.  So Po starts training on his own to beat Kai.  Tigress (the only member that had not been turned into a jade charm by Kai) finds him and tells him that one person cannot defeat Kai.  Po needs an Army, and sure enough, his dads with the help of all the Panda’s in the village step up to be that Army.

Master Chifu’s words come back to Po when he looked at all the Pandas he was supposed to train.  It dawned on him the meaning behind Master Chifu’s message.  He realized that he doesn’t need to turn them into mini-Po’s he just needs to turn them into a better version of them.

Right away he completely understood what Master Chifu was trying to tell him, and that is to be the best version of you, you can be.  So to train the pandas on Kung Fu, Po played to everyone’s strengths.  Truly a master plan!

Of course, they defeat Kai, but Po had to go all the way to the spirit realm to do that.  His saving grace became his family who mastered their Chi and passed on their strength to Po.  Through the transfer of Chi, Po was able to find the better version of him.  The version that Master Oogway had seen in him from the very beginning; the Dragon Warrior!

When Po embodies a golden dragon in the spirit realm, and kicks Kai’s butt and releases all the Chi’s that Kai had imprisoned into jade charms, was my son’s favorite part.  “See this cool dragon thingy?” Po asked Kai when he embodied his real self.

Finally! Po understood what it meant to be a Dragon Warrior, and he accepted that he was a lot of different things.  He is the son of a Panda.  He is the son of a goose.  He is a student, and he is also a teacher.  When he accepted and understood who he was, his Chi awakened, and he was able to beat Kai once and for all.

Kung Fu Panda 3 has a great message, and that is to be yourself, whatever that is.  The only way to improve is to become a better version of you and not to copy or try to be like someone else.  That my friends is a lesson that all of us should learn.