BLOGGING CHALLENGE WEEK ONE: ADVICE TO A CHILD

BLOGGING CHALLENGE WEEK ONE: ADVICE TO A CHILD

I decided to embark on the 4 weeks blogging challenge by Woman Pulse. Challenge Accepted!

My advice to a child would be:

Love and accept yourself: You are going to find plenty of people that would want to tear you down or would want to put you down so they could feel superior.  What would stop those people in their tracks is your love!  If you love and accept yourself, their words cannot touch you, they cannot hurt you because your truth is love and acceptance of yourself, so you will know right away that their words are a lie.

Read, read and read some more:  Devour books like a $5 all you can eat buffet at Golden Corral.  The knowledge that you gain from books is priceless and irreplaceable and being able to escape into another world, another time, and step into the shoes of someone other than yourself is better than any drug.
Travel and explore:  Not only should you escape in your mind but you should also do it physically.  Experience other cultures, see other beauties of the world, hear other languages.  Know that you are nothing but a speck in this incredible universe.  Shoot if you can go into space, do that too!  You will feel so tiny….I think.
Always be honest:  Never lie to yourself or others.  A truth is easy, a lie is hard, and it takes a lot of energy to keep up.  Be lazy and don’t lie.
Laugh a lot: Don’t ever take yourself too seriously, no matter how important and how much money you make.  The moment you forget how to laugh at yourself and see the funny in any situation, you have become an uptight prick (don’t repeat that word).  Baby, you don’t want to become that.  Stay humble, don’t forget where you came from and laugh….A LOT!
Take care of your body:  You only have one body.  Unless the whole robotics thing takes off… but, for now, let’s just say, you only have one body.  Nourish it and exercise it.  Why put cheap gas in a Porsche?  Think of your body as a Porsche, you will want the best fuel, best oil, best parts to go in there and you will run it every day so the battery won’t die from being idle for too long.  Guess what?!  You are that Porche!  Eat nutritious food and rev it up every day, less you want your muscles to wither, and you become a blob.
Hopefully, this hasn’t scared you off from becoming an adult….
XOXO
Johanny
Best Personality Blog Award for January 2016

Best Personality Blog Award for January 2016

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I alway knew I had a great personality…. but this just confirms it!  I was awarded Best Personality by The BlogTagAwards reader’s choice.  For reals! check it out here—–> Best Personality Blog Award for January 2016

And here is a screenshot, just to make sure you believe me….

Yup that’s my logo!

And here is my badge!

Because I follow the rules…

I still consider myself very new to the whole blogsphere, and I see myself amassing a loyal reader base and to have constant fresh flow on a weekly base from myself as well as three other contributors within five years.  I want to provide readers with real stories and anecdotes that they can relate to, have a laugh or at the very least, feel good that someone else is going through the same stuff as them.

Thank you so much readers and BlogTagAwards!

XOXO
Johanny

Deadpool

Deadpool

The anti-hero, hero with maximum effort, Deadpool comes on the big screen.   An overly sarcastic punk masked man with red tights, tells us his love story which turns into a horror story smack in the middle of the story.

You see Wade never wanted to be a hero, so he became a for-hire assassin, and he was happy with that.

 Things were on the up and up when Wade met the female version of him in a stripper named Vanessa and it was almost a happily ever after, with a montage filled with funny yet raunchy sex scenes, but the ark was missing.  To break the happiness of the montage, Wade finds out that he has stage four cancer; meaning he is going to die soon.  Although Vanessa is not willing to leave him and she’s more than ready to stay with him through it all, Wade wants to leave because he does not want her to join him on the shittiest ride ever; the cancer ride.

As his cancer starts to show, some creepy guy finds Wade in his hang out spot and offers him an opportunity to cure him.  Wade tells the creepy guy to fuck off and leaves him at the table to pay for his drink.  As his symptoms get worst, Wade has a change of heart and calls the number that creepy guy gave him.

Wade enters a makeshift hospital and finds that the experiment is just a dosage of gene therapy to make someone mutate and a shit ton of torture to stress the body to the point of mutation.  As it turns out, some people make it, and some people don’t.  Sometimes a person will die before reaching the desired stress level.  Also, the type of mutation cannot be predicted.

Wade is a tough nut to crack and after several attempts he has yet to mutate.  So, he’s left in an oxygen-deprived tank over a weekend and finally, while gasping for air he mutates.  His skin turns into a burnt wrinkled mess, and his mutation is complete.  Wade is pissed that he looks like a monster, and also that having survived he’s essentially a slave to the people behind the experiments.  To break away, he sets the place on fire hoping to kill himself and those in the makeshift hospital.  Unfortunately, having mutated, Wade doesn’t die. Instead, he becomes immortal.

With the help of his friend at the bar, he names himself Deadpool, because every superhero needs a cool name and it was the name of the board that showed the names of the assassins that people were betting on to die.  Shortly after, Deadpool makes his costume; a tight red suit, and mask and embraces his new life while searching for Francis; the guy who disfigured him into the burnt mess.  Part of the changes Deadpool makes are his living arrangements.  He moves in with a blind black lady named Al, who misses cocaine and has an apt for putting Ikea furniture together and they become the best of roommates.

After finding Francis, Deadpool almost has him but his X-Men compadres, get in the way of the finish, and he escapes.  So off to plan B, go back home and masturbate.

But Francis, is now on the offensive. Having found out that Wade did not die in the fire, he goes looking for Vanessa to have the upper hand.

You know how this ends.  Wade finds the girl, and then they have amazing sex. About the monsterish face, Vanessa doesn’t care much.  She figures after a few drinks and some time, she’ll look at it as just another face for her to sit on.  Isn’t love grand?!

XOXO
Johanny

Let’s Talk About the Super Bowl 50

Let’s Talk About the Super Bowl 50

My team wasn’t playing so I was rooting for whoever was going to win….So, Go Broncos!!!  Although Cam Newton was looking especially hot and was the league MVP, the Broncos defense got up and said: “Give me that ring!”.

How about Queen B’s halftime show?  I mean Coldplay’s but you know I was just waiting for the Queen to come out.  As soon as I saw that blond mane, I started haphazardly dancing about spilling my drink everywhere.  I am not very graceful and I think Bey had a bit of an ungraceful moment herself when she fumbled and almost fell,  but she’s a Queen and made it look like it was part of the number.

I felt like I was in a time warp and had gone back to the 60’s and the flower power era with all the colors and love that I felt from Coldplay’s show.  At the end he reminded us to “Believe in Love”, and everyone just collectively sighed with hearts coming out of their eyes like a yellow emoji.
Bruno my man! Looking all sorts of cool, tried to put moves over the Queen, but we knew that wasn’t going to fly!  With a shake of a hip, Bey killed him on the dance floor, duh!  Either way, way to bring that Uptown Funky Funk Bruno, I was shaking my booty to it.

You all know I love me some Amy Schumer, and she was in one of the commercials!  When she and Seth Rogen were seen running for office and talking about their caucus and how it was going to be big but not so big that you couldn’t handle it, I died!  Way to go Bud Light advertising execs you have a winner here.  Best commercial of the night!  Don’t ask me about the puppy, monkey, baby, because I was deeply disturbed over that one.

So there you have it, the Broncos won.  Amy and Beyonce should get together and do something, anything, continue to believe in love people, and go have some babies Denver!

XOXO
Johanny

Let’s Talk About The Bachelor- Episode 4

Let’s Talk About The Bachelor- Episode 4

The face of fear when you think you are going to marry someone you just met

Episode 4

Can I just start off by saying, how cute is Ben on the promotional pictures of the Bachelor!  
Ok now that I got that out of my system let’s talk about #BachelorMonday 
VEGAS!!!!!
FYI: The twins work out together, I mean use the treadmill together (side eye emoji here).
What is it with Ben’s obsession with flying objects.  Once again his ride is a helicopter that makes a bit of a mess at first.  The messy helicopter landing makes for an awkward moment, but Ben is a suave guy.  He smoothes the mess up with a kiss, which to make things more interesting, all the girls watch.  Sister Wives anyone?
JoJo got a one on one date, and it was the briefest date in history! It didn’t even get a commercial break! Maybe it was too boring for the producers to show the whole thing.  However, there was a red flag that I scoped out right away.  JoJo said that her last relationship happened five months ago, and it ended because of infidelity.  Which made me think who would go to this show knowing that you have trust issues.  Not a smart decision.
Olivia, Olivia, Olivia.  Is a shimmy mess and Ben loved it mainly because she was in a showgirl outfit showing her goodies. Unfortunately, her showmanship lacked talent.  Of course, the ventriloquist pointed this out, and it made her just a tad bit embarrassed, but she laughed it off.  
That is until she goes off in a corner and has a mini panic attack/crying sesh.  Poor Olivia, I guess she thought her looks would magically pull off an incredible performance.  
Since hindsight is always 20/20, Olivia realizes that maybe that was not the right performance to do since Ben may no longer see her as marriage material and we all know in Olivia’s head, Ben is her man already.
Can I just say that Caila is the most normal and sane lady there?  What do you guys think? Do you agree?
What did you guys think about Lauren B questioning herself?  It seems like The Bachelor show is not a comfortable experience for those women that lack confidence or require a ton of attention (I’m looking at you Olivia).  
How about that wedding dress delivered to Becca for her one on one date with Ben?  The 26-year-old virgin deserves a white dress, but she sure isn’t ready to tie the knot, she is freaking out at the beginning!  You could tell on her face that she was panicking till Ben said, “would you marry… other people with me.”  It was like a rush of relieve flooded her face, and she was back to Ol’ Smiley Becca again.  Isn’t love grand?!
Did you guys catch that weird moment when Ben talks about the elephant in the room?  AKA Becca’s hymen?  Well, I’m glad that was thrown out there for the whole world.  Now we know that Becca wishes to wait to share that bond and special moment with someone she sees herself with for the rest of her life, and she promised Ben she was going to feel and not close herself like she did with Chris.  The second time is definitely the charm, right?
Twinning!!! 2 on 1 last minute hometown date just to decide which twin to keep.  Boy Ben has a rough life right?
‘Smooth operator, smooth operator…’ is the soundtrack to the scene where  Ben talks to the twin’s mom to make a decision about who to dump and then does it right at their house in front of them.  Smooth really smooth.  
Everyone say Buh Bye Hailey.  At least now we don’t have to tell them apart or wait for the subtitles to see which one is talking, but most importantly Ben doesn’t have to feel creepy about dating two sisters at the same time.
  
Then is the very important cocktail party, and Olivia is not the first one to take Ben away, but she does cut off the first lady that does it.  Poor Jen she even talked herself into approaching Ben first and being aggressive, and still Olivia goes in and interrupts them.  Why? Do you ask?  Because she wanted to feel secure and talk about herself to Ben.  Does anyone else think this is the Olivia show?  
Then there is Jubilee, who is so cute during her time with Ben, but I’m going to need her to snap out of it and get some confidence.  Poor Ben is eventually going to get tired of enumerating her attributes just to make her feel better before every rose ceremony.  Toughen up Army girl!
What does it mean when you get called last at the Rose Ceremony?  Does that mean you were an after-thought? Or a maybe choice?
For another goodbye, everyone wave to Amber.  The girl tries, you can’t knock her for trying.  She wants to find the love of her life, and she even went to Bachelor Paradise to do so.  But, to be honest, I didn’t feel these two had a connection.  So good call Ben!
Lastly, the look on Ben’s face after each Rose Ceremony is priceless.  This guy is so sweet that you can tell he feels just as bad as the ladies he has rejected.
Well, till next episode Bachelor fans!  Toodles!
XOXO
Johanny