It’s as if you go on the dirt trying to look for diamonds, you don’t find any and you go back again thinking that it will magically appear. If the soil was bare before, it will still be bare now.
As women we tend to think that we can fix someone or that time may change someone for the better. The truth is that only the person itself has the power to change once he chooses to do so. No matter the time, no matter the words, no matter the effort, if someone does not want to change, he will not. Is that simple.
But it’s easy to feel like it’s better to go back, at least, you know him already. ‘Better the devil I know, than the one I don’t know.’ It’s a famous saying that shows the fear that we sometimes have when it comes to embarking on new things.
We will rather roll on that old dirt over and over because at least we know what is there (or not there) than to walk to a different patch of dirt and start digging anew. This behavior depicts the fear that we have of the unknown; of starting over.
We may think that time could resolve the old issues that were in the relationship. That is wrong! Usually, that shit blows up in our face. Same old issues come creeping back as soon as the newness of the old relationship wears off. The truth is that the problems have not gone anywhere, they are part of the people involved. They will always be there when those two people are together. When those two individuals are no longer together, the problems that they shared disappeared. It’s like magic!
Sometimes a combination of two personalities can create a beautiful mess, but no matter how beautiful it is, it will always be a mess. Sometimes is worth it to be with that person, and you can tolerate the good with the bad. Then there other times when the good just doesn’t outweigh the bad and is not worth to stay in. When the good overwhelms the bad, it is best to let go and not resurrect the relationship.
It is very rare for someone to change. A traumatic life changing event needs to occur for someone to change parts of his personality or his complete personality. Those events are rare and far in between. We are talking about, I almost died and saw heaven type of events.
Most likely if a dude is telling you he changed, he misses you, he wants to try again, is not true. Don’t lose your head and only think with your heart. You should ask yourself if the issues and problems from before are worth living and dealing with again. If you can tolerate EVERYTHING that the man has to offer, then you should give it a shot. Just know that you will be dealing with the same behavior only in a different time.
Whatever you do, don’t just think about the good memories, the laughs and toe curling sex when you are making the decision of whether to go back with him. Think about the fights, the arguments, the pet peeves, the things that had you rolling your eyes at this man. Those things are still there, and he’s bringing it back with him. Are you ready for Part Deuce of the same bullshit? That is the most important question to ask yourself.
Is it worth it to go back? You would have to decide that.
At the end of the day, the world will continue to turn, and you will continue to get older and hopefully wiser. The way I see it is, why waste my time walking backwards and revisiting situations that did not work? I would rather move forward and make brand new mistakes than to keep making the same one several times. At least with making new mistakes and trying different things I am bound to get it right once and find my rock with diamonds on a new patch of dirt.